Direction Vs. Distance - Discovering Facilitative Coaching

Dear friends from the ANTS LITE Clinic,

Please feel free to download the slides of my presentation by clicking on the link below. It is in PDF format, so you will need to have Adobe Acrobat Reader (which you can download here).

I always appreciate your feedback, which you can leave via the comments link.

Blessings.

Click here for Coaching Presentation Slides
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Was Hitler A Leader?

“Was Hitler a leader?” “Was Saddam Hussein a leader?” “Was David Koresh a leader?”

Leadership is a process and a set of practices. Leadership is amoral. The process and practices admit no right or wrong. All processes can be used for good or evil. Nuclear science, biological science, social science: each can be used to heal or to kill. Processes themselves are neither positive nor negative. People give processes their charge.

Leaders, however, are most decidedly moral or immoral…. We wish we could say that only moral people can develop the abilities to get others to want to follow them. But we cannot. Everyone of us should therefore be ever vigilant, watching for those who chose to lead others in immoral ways toward evil ends – or moral ways to evil ends, or immoral ways to good ends. This vigilance means that it is essential that you, as a constituent, demand to know what your leaders value. It is also why you, as a leader, must discover what you believe to be right conduct and right results.

From Kouzes & Posner

He Passed His Target Award!

Remember that "Special Needs" Member I wrote about previously? I think you will be glad to know that he passed his Target Award with a 75% passing grade! Now we're looking into other awards he can take...!

I Am A Bad Officer

I am a Bad Officer.

I ask my Boys to be punctual, but I am late in submitting forms, attending meetings or going for Parade.

I demand that my Boys perform drill with perfect synchronicity and smartness, but I can’t even lift my legs and raise my arms at 90-degree angles.

I question my Boys’ commitment when they are not wholeheartedly volunteering for responsibilities, while I shy away from BB commitments in church as well as State and National levels.

I tell my Boys to “work for the whole BB” because “we are all Brothers,” but I encourage unhealthy competition and am concerned only for my own Company.

I motivate my Boys to be selfless, but I have my own personal agendas.

I tell my Boys that we must be willing to give up things “for the sake of the BB” as long as I not asked to give up my time, money or energy.

I wax lyrical about BB Unity, but I really want uniformity… according to me.

I want my Boys think about “BB… BB… BB” but I am only thinking about “me… me… me…”

I expect my Boys to handle stress well (especially during NCO Training School!), but I snap at others when I’m driving on the road or having a bad day.

I encourage my Boys to be tough and to persevere through tough times – but when the going gets tough for me (whether due to work, home or whatever reasons), I’m gone.

I can’t stand Boys who give excuses for skipping BB when, in fact, they are just lazy… but it’s okay if I’m feeling “too tired” to go to BB myself.

I say that attendance in all programmes is compulsory, but it does not really apply to me.

I wonder why my Boys are absent from Company meetings, but never consider that my Boys may be wondering why I am absent from Company meetings.

I always say that BB emphasizes the health of a Boy, but hope Boys do not see me smoking.

I punish my Boys whose uniforms are not polished or well-maintained, as long as no one needs to inspect me.

When I put on my uniform, I also put on my ego.

I tell those younger than me to be open to new ideas, but I am set in my ways.

I think my Boys don’t know anything and I think I know everything.

I yell at Boys for their wrong attitude, behavior or mindset… never thinking that they might have learned it from my attitude, behavior or mindset.

I am quizzical as to why Boys don’t seem to learn anything during Bible Study, as I continue to prepare them only 30 minutes before I am supposed to teach.

I wonder why my Boys aren’t interested in the Bible… but I don’t attend any Bible Studies or read the Bible regularly myself.

I wished my Boys would go to church more… once a month, just like me.

On Saturdays and Sundays, during Parade, I talk a lot about Jesus Christ. But during the week, at work, my colleagues love to hear my dirty jokes from my potty mouth.

I say that Jesus Christ is the most important Person to me, that He is my Captain… but at work, I I’m really worshipping money, status and power.

I always recite The Lord’s Prayer during Bible Study, but at other times, the only times I pray is when I whisper a rushed “ThankyougodforthisfoodAmen.”

I expect to be obeyed, but I don’t inspire them by my example.

With me, it’s usually “Do as I say” not “Do as I do.”

When I read articles like this, I immediately think of how it applies to others… but not me.

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do… What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:15 & 24-25, New International Version)

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24, New International Version)

“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.” (I Timothy 1:15, New International Version)

Without God’s love, help and mercy; without the grace freely available through Jesus Christ; and without the Holy Spirit’s continued redemptive work in his life, I would remain a Bad Officer with the 1st Kuala Lumpur Boys Brigade Company.

... But We've Never Done It That Way Before!

Sometimes, God provides a very poignant experience that truly humbles and reminds me that I’m not as great as I think I am, after all. Though I usually rather not have these experiences, I am quite thankful that they happen anyway. It usually serves as a gentle reminder from a Loving Father who is still concerned about my character growth every day, as I strive to become more like His Son.

So what happened?

Well, one of my NCOs emailed me recently. His email made me realize just how set in my ways I was. You see, we have a “special needs” Member in our Company. He has been there for the longest time – since he was a wee little Junior Section Boy. He has since come a long way: Over the years, his commitment to the BB merited him his service awards, including the 3-Year Service Award. Next year, he should be due his Long-Year Service Award. His only setback has been his inability to earn other Awards because he could not pass his Target Award.

So this NCO’s email comes along and suggests we administer an oral exam for the Target Award. The NCO tells me that he has been working with this Boy’s sister and is fairly confident that the Boy will pass an oral examination.

Now why didn’t we think of that?

Indeed, why not? After all, must we administer written exams or purely practical exams? Are oral examinations only applicable to evaluating presentation and communication skills? I mean, this may be old news to some of you who have thought about this before… but for me, it opened up a whole new set of questions.

Think about it: Have I missed opportunities to fulfill the BB Object in other areas all because I was too set in my ways?

For example, do I need to rethink my approach to leadership? Is the rank-and-file system the best way to develop and encourage leadership among Members, or are there alternatives? What should my criteria to promote an NCO be? Should I recommend those who lead well and support the BB Object enthusiastically, but are weak in drill and band, and have only two achievement awards?

What about the daily goings on of Company life and in promoting the “habits of True Christian Character?” Must I spend so much time going into the details of “how to do drill” when there might be other ways of inculcating discipline and self-control in young people? Is the rank-and-file, salute-and-be-saluted hierarchy the only way in BB that we can inculcate obedience and mutual respect? Are these the only ways? Is this even the best way? Dare I ask: are these ways still relevant today?

Do I have the courage to challenge myself further by reconsidering the entire BB Method? Don’t get me wrong, I am quite convinced of the value and relevance of the BB Method even today (a topic to be discussed another day). However, it is more than a century old and the BB started in a historical and cultural context that may no longer be relevant today. So, perhaps, there might be better ways to apply the Twin Pillars of Religion and Discipline than what we currently have?

How about wearing uniforms? After all, our uniform is such an integral part of the Boys Brigade. Yet, I remember the furor that occurred when the BB in the United Kingdom radically altered their uniform. They did away with the traditional haversack, cap and belt and offered sweatshirts and collared long-sleeved shirts instead. Would we dare change like they did? If, like them, we were not able to reach our youth by retaining the uniform as it was, would we change to stay relevant to a changing youth? After all, we exist for the “The advancement of Christ’s Kingdom and the promotion of habits of obedience, reverence, discipline, self-respect and all that tends towards True Christian Character,” and not to be a “Christian, military-based uniformed group.” Perhaps, like Paul, we should be willing to “become all things to all men so that by all means [we] could save some,” (I Corinthians 9:22, New International Version).

So, do we change or not? Is there a need to reconsider or even reconstruct what the Boys Brigade in Malaysia has been doing for “Sixty Impacting Years?” If need be, are we willing to let go of those nearest and dearest to our sentiments in order to advance Christ’s Kingdom and train godly young people?

I don’t know, and I’m not afraid to admit it. More importantly, however, I hope that I am not afraid to ask these difficult, controversial questions; and to change, if necessary. I pray God will always send someone along my way to challenge me to grow and to see that there might be better ways to do something.

After all, how can I explain to our Captains of Captains that I missed numerous opportunities to advance His Kingdom and disciple youths of true Christian character because I was set in my ways?

Will my answer to Him be “… but we’ve never done it that way before?”

Then, what will His reply be to me?


(Postscript: With all due respect to the whatever conventions are currently being practiced, I’m going to administer an examination for the Target Award that is befitting my Member’s aptitude. Then, I’m going to think long and hard about this movement I love called The Boys Brigade. If anyone has feedback or would like to exchange ideas, you can leave comments to this article at www.beyondblues.blogspot.com)

The Courage To Make A Difference

If you have been among Christian circles long enough, you will be familiar with the first line of the Prayer of Serenity: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change.”

Through the Boys Brigade, I’ve certainly learned a lot about accepting things I cannot change. For example, I’ve learned that Bible Studies on Prayer, will never be as interesting as frank discussions on Boy-Girl Relationships. Or, how jokes about bodily functions will always be funny – especially after a dinner of rice and baked beans over campfire. I’ve even accepted how Boys always need to find ways to bend the rules (just enough!) without actually getting into trouble (not that they get away with it)!
In short, I’ve learned to accept that Boys will always be Boys.

Through the Boys Brigade, I’ve also grown to appreciate the less-often-quoted parts of the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me… the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.”

While there are many things I know I cannot change, the BB has always challenged me to be strong and courageous enough to change the things I actually can. For example, in our service for others, I’ve learned to do my part in helping the helpless through fundraiser projects, as with the National Kidney Foundation. I’ve discovered how young Boys can become fine Men of True Christian Character with a little nurture, discipline and friendship. And most importantly, I have seen how God can use our smallest efforts to leave good, lasting impressions that change lives.

I experienced this in my own life: My life’s direction changed when one Officer said “Hello” to me on my first day in BB, two days before I turned 12 years old. Other Officers and friends in the BB soon helped me see my life differently.

You may not realize this, but many BB members, like me, do not come from Christian homes or church backgrounds. Yet, it was through the BB that, one sunny Saturday afternoon in a church playground, my friends and I were introduced to a Captain who won us a decisive victory over sin and death, when He gave His life for us. Now, through His example, I have come to see my own life as a service for others.

These days, I see situations, people, Boys – not just as they are, but what they could be. In my commission as an Officer, I’ve prayed for courage to make a good difference to my Boys, fellow Officers and others around me. I’ve asked for wisdom to hopefully be a good mentor and a steadfast friend.

However, I know I am not alone in wanting to make a difference in the lives of others.

Today, I wonder how many of you see a generation of young Boys who need friends and mentors to become Men of True Christian Character? Have you wondered whether a young, playful, smart-mouthed 12-year-old Boy could one day give up his own time and energy to see other young, playful, smart-mouth Boys become fine young gentlemen? Would you have thought, 14 years later, he has gladly traded his Blues to wear a white Officers’ uniform, and share his testimony with you?

You would be surprised to know: One mentor, one person, can change a life forever – just like that Officer on my first day in BB. Will you be that person?

It’s all right if you don’t know how to do drill very well – but can you be a good and willing friend? It’s all right if you don’t play musical instruments – but are you willing to talk honestly about your faith? It’s all right if you don’t have years of prior experience in the BB – can you spare a few hours a week?

Will you pray for our Mighty Band of Brothers?

Will you join the great parade of the Boys Brigade – as a volunteer, as an instructor, as an Officer?

All it takes is the courage to make a difference.

One mentor, one person, can change a life forever. I urge you to be that person.

I pray that God will grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. I pray He will fortify our courage to change the things we can. Above all, I pray that He will grant us wisdom to know the difference.

Stewards Of A Most Precious Gift

Think of something extremely precious. Let it be priceless, that no amount of money in the world can pay for it. Let it be so valuable, people will always seek to attain it. Let it be so rare, that it is one-of-a-kind and once you lose it, it is forever lost to you. Can you imagine that Very Precious Thing?

Good.

Now imagine someone that willingly gave you that Very Precious Thing and you’ll have an idea what it is like for a Member to join the Boys Brigade. You see, when Members join the Boys Brigade, they are actually giving us a Most Precious Gift – their time as a Young Person. Essentially, they are entrusting us with their time and their youth. Perhaps you do not realize the gravity of that last sentence, so let me try to spell it out as clearly as I can.

Youth is a season that comes only once in every lifetime. It is a precious and innocent time where the potential for everything is explored and experienced in a few short years. Once this season is over, it is over. You cannot be young again because there is no second chance for youth (no matter what middle-aged men and their shiny new sports cars might tell you). It is unique and really quite precious. So, when a Member comes to you and decides to “join the great parade of the Boys Brigade,” he really is saying to you, “Here is this one precious gift God has given me: my time as a young person. I am giving it to you, entrusting you to it, believing that life will be a great adventure since I have heard this Call.”

So what do you do when someone gives you something as precious as his Boyhood Days?

Well, we can certainly take that gift and then… do absolutely nothing with it. That’s right, absolutely nothing. It is completely possible to give someone something so precious and see them do absolutely nothing with it. We can take the most unique, precious times of our Members lives, spend hours, days, months and even years, but leave them unchanged and unchallenged. We can let them go through activity after activity and camp after camp only to wonder why they even bothered with anything in the first place. We can take their gift, do nothing purposeful with it, and leave the Gift Bearers wondering why they even joined the Boys Brigade in the first place.

Far worse, we can take their gift entrusted to us and abuse it, leaving a mere shadow of something that was once a Most Precious Gift. I don’t think I need to warn about the manifest evils of emotional, psychological, sexual and physical abuses perpetrated by youth workers or those who work with young people happening elsewhere. However, abuse can be more than that. It can be when saying something harsh and mean to a Member when you were tired. It can come from dismissing that unusually rowdy Boy or neglecting that unusually quiet Girl because Pesta is drawing near. It can be overlooking the silent cries of help from a Boy whose mother moved out of the house following an argument with his father – all because you were trying to make sure the rest of the Company was moving “on schedule.”

Or, we can respond by taking the gift entrusted to us to create a wonderful harvest – of Boyhood memories, lifelong camaraderie, character bolstered by Religion and Discipline and the knowledge of a Love and Grace higher, deeper and wider than anyone can fathom.

However, the choice is completely yours.

My dear Officers, my comrades and my friends, we in the BB are Stewards of a Most Precious Gift. Youth is a season that comes only once in every lifetime. Our Members have been willing to trust us and entrust so much of their time as a youth to the Boys Brigade. That only means that we must meet that challenge of being Good Stewards and respond accordingly.

Officers, leaders and friends, you have the power to make sure that Boyhood days are days of joyful memories, skills learned, loving relationships and a strong foundation for character in the future. You have the opportunity to shape minds, carve characters and change lives. You might even be the only Jesus they will ever, ever see.

Or you can let their time as a youth just plain, boring, “blah, blah, blah…”

It’s all completely up to you, Steward of a Most Precious Gift.

What will you do with the Time you have been given?

The Heartbeat of our Captain can be illustrated this way: He called all His Officers together and gave them Most Precious Gifts to take care of while He went away for a while.

To one, He gave charge over five Most Precious Members to one Officer, two Most Precious Members to another Officer and one Most Precious Member to the third Officer – to every Officer according to his abilities.

Then He went away for a while.

The Officer with the five Most Precious Members began immediately to invest in their lives and soon nurtured strong Christian character in their lives. The Officer with the two Most Precious Members also went right ahead to nurture lasting friendships, steadfast character and a living faith in their lives. The third Officer, with one Most Precious Member, decided to just leave his Very Precious Member alone to “enjoy” Company activities like camping, drill, band and games.

After a long time, the Captain came back and asked His Officers about how His Members were.

~ Matthew 25:14-19, Beyond Blues Paraphrased Version